this mama feels...

thank-full!  what a lovely day on sunday!

• delicious raspberry coffee cake, fresh coffee and a chance to sleep in, all provided lovingly by my honey.  he even got out of bed with the kids at 6...bless him!  
• a fantastic family bike ride along our neighborhood "pathways."  they close down a circuit along the neighborhood streets, allowing bikes to ride freely and enjoy special activities hosted at the area parks.  such a fun fun time!  and, we could not have had better weather.

• we ended the day with burgers on the grill, smores over a fire, and beers with friends.  thanks for celebrating with us mclarry's. 

thank-full indeed!

asher dasher

now, for the asher man.  a dasher he is - in energy level, in dashing good looks, in his transition from one thing to the next.  always dashing.  love that boy of ours!!

 just couldn't resist this last one of my two boys.  they have good times together!!

goosey girl

just thought i would upload some of the adorable pictures casey took of the kids at easter using our friend's GREAT camera.  geesh, what a nice camera can produce!  first up, lucy goose.  she is so undeterred about things, like watering herself in her easter dress.  i love it!

THE conversation with asher

asher (while looking out the kitchen window): mommy, does God and Jesus live inside of our house?

me: yea, they do. and, even more than that, they live inside of us. when jesus died on the cross, he died to save us from our sins. you know how we are kind of dark and ugly inside? well, when we believe that jesus died on the cross and ask him to help us make good choices, Jesus' spirit comes to live in our hearts and our souls and our minds, and he helps us make good choices.

asher: well, i believe.

me: what do you believe asher?

asher: i believe that jesus died on the cross for me and lives inside of me.

me: and that he can help you make good choices?

asher (still looking out the window): yea, i believe that.

me (crying into the rice and beans i am making for dinner): that makes me so happy, buddy. i am so glad you believe that.

so, just like that. the faith of a little child showing up in my kitchen. oh jesus, grab the heart of my little guy. may the words of his mouth and the meditations of his heart praise you, LORD! may we model how to do that!

amen. let it be!

and, GO!

oh sweet lucy goose! there are so many things i love about you. i love the way you crawl into a room, instantly waving and saying "hiiiiii." i love your need for nearness - how you exhibit that by crawling into our laps EVERY time we sit on the floor, or the way you reach up, hands clasping, asking for a snuggle. and, i love the way you set your mind to something, and then do it.

like today. you decide to start walking, just like that. you took a step. and then you took three. then six. and off you went. we are so proud of you, goosey girl. what a delight you are to have in our family.

progress

it's true, lucy has not been a fast mover. she much prefers words. words like:
hi
bye
bubbles (bubu)
ball (ba)
night night (ni ni)
no (although it is not my favorite when she says it, man, is it funny. it seems like it takes her whole face to make it happen.)
mama
dada
brother (baba)
duck (du)
please (pleeeee)
eat (eeee)
rock-a-bye (baba ba)
uh ooohhh
peeeeeeek

her little voice is just so sweet, i cannot wait for sentences to pour from her lips (of which i am sure they will).

well yesterday, we made progress. all of a sudden, this is what we witnessed:



big girl, lucy!!

lucille

yesterday, you turned 1. i woke up yesterday remembering a year ago, the beautiful way you entered the world, remembering just how thrilled we were to welcome you into our family and our lives.

for the daubin

(and the aunties that are far away) i thought you might appreciate a little lucy time.

typical

as of saturday, we will have been in tanzania for four weeks, and to some extent, we have reached a routine. of course, as i write this, typical will change, african culture will inevitably seep in, and typical will refer to the ebb and flow that is the one constant here. i have been reading a book about the story we write of our lives, and how to make those stories exciting, worth living and not just humdrum. that has given me LOADS of perspective when my western, routine and schedule craving self starts to take over. i am on an adventure with my family and each situation and circumstance is potential for a great story. and, if we go at it right, potential for a great story with great impact on us and on others.

but, all that to say, here is a window into what typical "generally" looks like.
- the day starts with casey leaving for devotions at the church office at 8. we have had our breakfast (or, casey and asher and leisha and leah...i lag a little) of toast with peanut butter, a bowl of oatmeal (something our little family has added for the little man's sake), and tea. casey attends devotions for an hour and then begins his work day at the church office.
- lucy lays down for a nap between 8:30 and 9 while asher and i tromp around in the sand outside the house. sometimes he digs with his cars, reads stories, or helps me fill water buckets for the day.
- asher, lucy and i begin our five minute walk to the church after lucy wakes up. this is between 10:30-11:30.
- we hang out and i email while casey corrals the kids. we generally have more tea, eat mandazi (african donuts) and asher gets a sucker :)
- we make our way back home for lunch, which is usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some cucumbers and bananas or oranges.
- and, nap time for asher usually starts shortly after, between 1-2. he will rest and perhaps lucy will rest, or, she will just spend her time scooting around on the couch, coming dangerously close to the edge. her nap is still all over the place, but, she will nap at some point.
- casey makes his way home around 5 and spends the next hour burning through some of asher's energy in the front of our compound. they play tag, or deliver "eggs", or take naps on the front steps. i generally sit with lucy in the shade, thankful asher's energy is diverted towards someone else and LOVING watching them play.
- we start bedtime routine around 6, with the kids taking their bucket shower in a bright green tub we bought at the market. it is perfect for lucy, nice and deep and spacious. it is a little small for asher, but he can still sit and have a few guys to command and swim through the water. casey and i try to grab our bucket showers at the same time. it becomes a big hour, but one of my favorites. we are all in the bedroom at the same time, smelling fresh and SOMETIMES calmed from the warm water and quiet space. we have taken up to playing with a beach ball in the room during this time, hitting it wildly around, hoping it lands either on top of the mosquito net stretched across the top of our bed or loudly smacking someone in the face. it is a good way for us all to play together and be rough but not have anybody get hurt.
- lucy is generally in bed by 7.
- we retire to the living room where asher will eat his dinner of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cucumbers and maybe a tomato (are you seeing any themes here?!) we have made hamburgers a couple times or pasta and those nights asher is thankful for a change.
- we will eat dinner, generally a big o' plate of rice beans, with leisha and leah between 7:30 and 8:30. asher will head to bed after he has greeted and delivered dinner to our night watchman. this is one of asher's favorite things. he loves to say "karibu chakula" (which means welcome to your food literally, but is more like your invited to eat) and "usiku mwema" (which means good night) and maduka, the watchman, sweetly corrects asher's pronunciation and they go back and forth for a few minutes. it usually ends with asher doing a little jig, us all laughing and then shuffling asher off to bed.
- our evenings have been soooo relaxed and i am thankful for that. we will either all sit around and talk about deep or completely superficial things or we will split off and watch a video. casey and i have been sooo exhausted with lack of sleep and sick kids that decompressing with a movie is about all i can handle. and, although sometimes i question whether we should be watching videos at all, today, i am thankful for it. it gives me a little mental break.

throw in some walks to the market for various items, swahili lessons for an hour twice a week, walks to al and tiffanee's house (an american family staying here that work with mennonite central committee), church meetings here or there, and a day for sabbath, and that is typical.

delight

we are on retreat this weekend. we were very excited to welcome our friends from the states to dodoma yesterday, and while all the full time staff of lahash are together (erin and cristine, you are greatly missed), we are taking some time to rest, sit in solitude, and charge for the busy two weeks ahead.

i have taken a hot shower, sat on a very comfortable couch on the porch, and enjoyed the breeze outside our guesthouse. and in this time, my thoughts have drifted to delight. for those that know me, i think one of my greatest creature comforts, and something i take great delight in back home, are my showers. hot ones. that are lengthy. and, today as i showered i noticed i did not need a lengthy shower, nor did the water need to be near scalding temperatures for me to delight in a shower. as i sat on the porch, i did not need my own porch or even my own home to delight in a place of rest and quiet. as i enjoyed the breeze, i delighted in the way it cooled me, the way it swayed the trees and the refreshment it brought.

these simple things have caused me to reflect on what i have delighted in the past three weeks. if i have allowed myself the space and the perspective to delight in simple things. and, if i am honest, my thoughts have been more of plodding through, trying to have patience when weary from lack of sleep and sick kids, trying to achieve some sort of normal when it seems all is definitely not so. delight, perhaps, in the beautiful bougainvillea that surrounds three full sides of our compound at "home," or in asher's excitement in greeting and delivering chai to our night watchman during the evening, or in the way we have mastered, and can even enjoy, our walks to and from the church in the mornings. i have had much to delight in the past three weeks and just failed to take time to notice.

i think my failure to delight in the simple things keeps me from enjoying the delight my savior sings over me, and i, in receiving that, can sing back. all of these simple things are merely an expression of Christ's delight for me. i need only to stop, open my arms, and receive.

so, i receive. yes lord, i receive and sing back.

a birthday breakdown

- chocolate chip pancakes cooked over a kerosene stove, complete with birthday candles we blew out twice. casey ROCKED the pankcakes...they were awesome!
- a treat of grapes for lunch. casey calls them "slip skins" because that is what he called them growing up. the inside fruit slips right out of the skin.
- an afternoon time playing with our friends, kiarra and kaiya. they played with beach balls and water balloons and baby doll strollers. they had juice and popcorn and basically transplanted america into the sand and expanse of dodoma :)
- a dinner of lasagna and fruit salad, complete with a homemade birthday cake topped with dinosaurs! it was amazing! our friend, tiffanee, definitely went all out. - fun conversations during our walks to and from church and to al and tiffanee's. - we had a relapse before bed when mommy fell apart and cried for a while, but, we are learning that is all a part of this experience. casey and i had a great conversation and hopefully we can translate that to asher as well. please lord help us be intentional and provide perspective in this experience and especially to our little boy. help us grow closer to each other and closer to you. thanks for celebrating with us around the world. asher received so much love from all of you, even though we are far away. love love to you!

T.H.R.E.E.

today, asher, you turn three! i am feeling kind of emotional as i write, and i think it is because here, in tanzania, there is no pressure for elaborate parties or gifts. today, i get to focus on celebrating you, my son. celebrating who you are and who God created you to be. and, i am aware at how you have shaped me. how you have changed me. and i am so thankful.

thank you for the vivacity at which you enter life. at times that means life is tragic and desperate and all around terrible, but most of the time, that means life is full of excitement and distinct color and light. you take such delight in things and that has taught me how to celebrate the little things more. you are intuitive and tenderhearted, and that challenges me to be more aware. you have so much energy, and that prompts me to put a little more bounce in my step, a little more gusto to my day.

we are so thankful for you, asher! happy birthday, little man! we love you.

the beginning

asher is an excellent big brother. he is attentive, affectionate, helpful, and even doting towards his little sister. of course he has his moments (and tends to roar at lucy like a lion when she is crying), but the transition from only child to older sibling has gone remarkably well. we had some rough patches in there with his behavior and response towards us, but from day one, lucy has been a part of the gang.

so, imagine my delight last night as we drove (around in the camper van of course, but this post is not about our delight in it, although you know we do) to dinner when i heard a little giggle from lucy. asher was fake laughing, i believe, and it just set lucy off. i melted. to hear asher interacting with lucy, trying to make her laugh, and then to hear her respond, took me down a path they will travel through childhood. brother and sister, sharing stories and giggles and toys (all without any bickering or nagging, of course). i am so glad asher is obliging and continued his fake laugh because we got to hear her giggle several more times. i know i desire for them to be close as they grow up. playmates and confidants and counsel for the other. who knows what the Lord has in store for their relationship as they grow and change and choose their lifes' paths. but i do know one thing. this mama will delight in each shared moment she is privileged to witness. here is to the beginning of those moments.

the dream

i don't know what it is about us, but something in casey and i just longs to be hippies. perhaps it is the draw towards simplicity or our lack of ambition to spend money on deodorant. perhaps it is how spontaneous and free life seems as a hippie. or, perhaps it is just my great love for the smell of patchouli. but, when we made the decision to purchase this:

we both felt like we got one step closer. we both said "let's just live the dream. and, if it turns out to be impractical or terrible, or lame to go 20 mph up a mountain pass, we can sell it. at least we'll know." you could compare this 1984, loud, no a/c, slightly gas-y smelling van to someone else's brand new mercedes, we love it so much. we love the way it sways a little as you take a turn; we love the way it sounds when you turn it on and it rumbles a little. and, most of all, we love that you can sleep in it.

but to be a little more contemplative, more than the actual van itself, i love that this van symbolizes God's faithfulness and intimacy once again. it's been a hard journey these last few months. perhaps it is how full life has been with a newborn and lack of sleep, trying to sell our house, and attending to the not-so-shiny parts of casey and i's marriage. perhaps it is just a season we need to walk through. but with the arrival of this van, fun has entered our spirits. i feel like the lord has given us fresh air to breath in. even just space to breath period. casey cannot stop smiling, asher cannot spend enough time in the "camper bus," and i cannot get enough of the giant steering wheel and how i smile when i get to take the van for a drive. we are suddenly focusing on road trips and camping excursions, and that is fun. maybe i am being hormonal or oversimplifying. but i am thankful the lord knows us intimately, and that his intimacy showed up as a vanagon.

sugar

by default, lucy has come to be known as our "sugar lump." not only is she sweet, but she's round. so, here's to four months of sugar.

one week old. thanks for the quilt, nannie.

one month old.

2 months old.

three months old and loving that she has figured out how to smile.

4 months old. from day one she has held her hands like that. love it!

"G is for goo goo glasses"

that's what he said when he came into the room. no encouragement, just the thought he had in his head. does it get any more awesome than that?!

happy one month birthday, lucy mae!

already we can't imagine life without you.
we love you, lucille,
lucy,
lucy goosey,
luc magoose,
lucy mae!

i am thankful for....

- a kind, and extremely generous, husband who gave me the morning "off" to go to my favorite tea shop and sit and write notes and be free.
- large pots of vanilla rooibos tea with cream. i think it has somehow made it's way from my stomach to my soul it is just that good.
- kind store employees that share their personal vanilla rooibos tea when the store is all out.
- even from the windows of "my" tea shop, the constant drizzle is uplifting somehow. cleansing, offering to us all the opportunity to slow down and savor.

good good things.

for daddy

this is for daddy, when he needs a little asher fix. we miss you, casey!

a tribute

one of the things about watching your kids grow is seeing the great, comical, and even difficult attributes of those that have gone before them show up in their daily habits, schedules, behavior. i marvel at that every time i see asher sway towards his daddy's keen attention to detail or a family member glimpsed in one of his facial expressions. and, today, even in this silly video, i see asher picking up on a favorite chore of his papa's. it makes my heart so happy to know that even across many many miles, my dad is close, present in my little boy and his delight to help wash a car.

love you, dad.